Spence Green

The other day I read a blog sent to me by a romantic colleague. Described in the posts were dating successes and failures, along with “lessons learned” and “advice.” I laughed. We all laugh when we overhear things that most people are too bashful to admit. My initial reaction to the author was: I like this guy, he seems playful, like the gregarious, Judd Apatow-esque drinking buddy archetypes in films. Affable people like this always seem to land on their feet, if not first in the drunk tank.

Judd Apatow-esque drinking buddies are likable because they are indulgent. They drink too much; they sleep around too much; they talk and yell too much. They are known for a mode of behavior that timid people envy, but later consign to a juvenile fantasy. In my experience, Americans are on the mean more conservative—some might say puritanical—than those from other Western societies, so flamboyance is somehow more exceptional. It is a flame that burns brightly in youth and is idolized by those too young to participate or too old to regress. A “goofball” is a good thing to have around.

I guess my question is: how do you want to be known? For example, I’ve long daydreamed about having long hair. Long hair symbolizes a freedom from convention, and it looks damn good when you’re slinging a six-string and raging at the moon. But I don’t play the guitar, and I’m fairly conventional. For me long hair would be an act, and not necessarily one that I would want to be known by. Perhaps my reluctance is an indication of restraint, or maybe just the indulgence of an alternate fantasy.